19 - DDOCCCTOR FREAKIN' WHWWOOOOOOO

It is eleven o'clock at night and here I am, working on my AP Bio project because I am a hideous procrastinator. Also, I got halfway through with the project, decided I hated my progress, and started over again. I am now incorporating Doctor Who into it because science + Doctor Who = beautiful rainbow unicorn sparkles.

Maybe I should just stay up until midnight. Homestuck will probably update.

I'm writing an increasing number of these ranty posts. When did my blog become an angst pit? 

I have felt no inclination to write recently. I keep trying to and quitting.

Why does school have to be so stressful? Why do I have to worry so much about grades? Why does everyone go around saying that teenagers don't have real feelings, teenagers can't make any real decisions, teenagers don't understand the world, then expect us to make decisions about our future that will influence us for the rest of our lives? We're treated like children until we're 18, and then we're thrust out into the world and expected to make it. Seems a little brutal to me.

Meh.

Pi day was delicious today. I ate lots of food. 

I was just thinking about Doctor Who and how much I loved it last January when I first started watching it. I like to remember happy things. I like to think about things I used to like and go, yeah, that was the best time. I wish I could go back to that. I still like Doctor Who, but back then it was like DDOCCCTOR FREAKIN' WHWWOOOOOOO. And it was really great, and freshman year was awesome, and all was right with the world. But then as I got further into the show, the writing changed and the Doctor was different and not as fun anymore. And then I got older and time changed and people changed and here I am now and everything has changed. 

Each year seems harder than the last, I have found.

Speaking of Doctor Who, the hiatus will end on March 30. I'm actually not very excited after seeing the first half of season 7. I'll watch it, of course, but I don't really like where the show is going. There are too many random explosions and things, and I feel like the Doctor isn't himself. It's like Doctor Who water you doinn'. Y u no be good anymoaar

I'm gonna leave now. I have to finish stuff and, like, get some sleep.

18 - pi

It is Thursday, March 13, also known as Pi Day. I spent a really long time last night making a quadrillion snickerdoodles (with icing pi symbols on top) to bring in to school today. They are delicious, but the recipe said it would only produce 24 cookies. I got five batches out of that dough, man. What am I supposed to do with all of these cookies??????  dude I got up at like 5 a.m. and made all these freaking cookies

Here are three cool facts about π so you can get your daily dose of education:
- Albert Einstein was born on Pi Day. 
- Computing π is considered a stress test for a computer. 
- Hiroyoki Gotu holds the world record for numbers of π memorized at 42,195.

There that was fun now let's stop talking about math 

I have to finish my AP Bio project tonight. Otherwise, I won't be able to go to the beach this weekend, because that is where we are going. 

I recently read This Side of Paradise, and I enjoyed it very much. Fun Fact: F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife, Zelda, was so dramatic that once, when she noticed him talking with someone else at a party, she threw herself down a flight of marble stairs to get his attention. She was later diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Then Scott died from alcoholism and she literally died in a fire. Sad story. 

17 - rainbow

Welp my AP Bio test is today and I'M GONNA FAIL WHOOOO WHAT ELSE IS NEW

What happened to my grammar nazism i don't really know

Yesterday after school we went to Target and I got a really pretty sweater. It's minty green at the top and fades into a more intense spearminty green at the bottom. So, like, from peppermint to spearmint. This is my gum sweater. I'm wearing it right now and it is quite cozy.

Tonight, I'm making snickerdoodles for pi day. I'm going to ice little pi symbols on top of each one. 

When we were driving home from school yesterday, the ceiling window or whatever was open to the sky. In the shotgun seat, I tipped my head back just to rest, and when I opened my eyes I saw a rainbow. It was straight upward, high in the sky where barely anyone would care to look for it. Like it was there just for me. I thought about how the rainbow was God's promise to Noah - that He would remember their covenant. And I felt like God was trying to help me remember that He's still there, even when I can't see Him.

16 - cheese baths

Today I was studying for a math test and eating cheetos and my mom told me she once watched a TV show on how cheese puffs are made. She said that the little corn meal shapes are baked and then tossed in a cheese bath. How amazing would it be to get tossed in a cheese bath? Or to take a cheese bath in general. Like, woah.

I'm really tired and I have a bunch of stuff due this week and I might be going to the beach over the weekend  but I have a huge AP Bio project due next Monday?????? And gosh school I just would like it if this year would end

I really want to do more art. I want to use my drawing tablet, but I never have the time. I need to clean my room. I want a new pair of headphones since my brother broke my old pair. 

I have a history test today that will decide whether or not I'm taking the exam. I also have a math test that I studied hard for and think I'll do okay on, which is a bit of a stretch because I seem to never do well on math tests, no matter how hard I try.

Also, today is picture day. 

Meh.

15 - another mindless thought post

I really was going to write more of that last post but I'm really tired and I want to stop.

My hair's wet but it's beginning to dry on its own.

I went clothes shopping with my mom today and started crying in the dressing room because it's hard to look at yourself in the mirror and think positive thoughts when stuff happened recently that makes you feel bad about yourself. 

We went to Dairy Queen. I had a cherry dilly bar.

I would like to go to sleep.

What if all the spiders in the world were actually cats instead? Cats clinging to walls. Sticking your foot in your shoe to find a tiny kitten curled up inside. Can you imagine accidentally walking through a catweb?

I wish it were Christmas again. I wish I didn't live so far away from my cousins. I want to go to their house and make slushies and have Nerf battles and watch Netflix with them. Wow, I really miss them.

Today in PetSmart we saw a girl walking a pig. I'm not kidding. It was of average size and it was just walking around and stuff. Its hooves made noises. That's what hooves do.

NOW LOOK AT THIS GLORIOUS VIDEO.

IT'S LIKE ART DRUGS. LOOK AT IT OMG LOOK AT THE ART STUFF HOLY CRAP LOOK AT IT 

Apparently it costs $1,700.

HEY MOM I KNOW WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 

11 - the funny thing

I don't really feel like writing.

I want to go watch Firefly and try out my brush markers and try to forget about Celeste. But I nine blog posts and a good amount of homework to do.

I don't even know what those last two things were. The poem? A love story. I don't really know. I just sort of typed words as they came.

I'm sure her phone did drop in a bathtub. She tends to break her phones. Kind of like how she tends to leave people who thought she would be there for them.

The Radioactive whatsit was a botched short story idea that I started a while ago and doubt I will finish. 

I just hope she doesn't come crying to me when they have a fallout. I'll be like, where you been, brah?

The funny thing is that last year, I disclosed to her that I had a crush on someone. She wouldn't shut up about it. She practically tormented me about it, all ha-ha! You have a crush! You're such a girl! And then she goes and gets a boyfriend and spends every waking moment with him

The funny thing is that I would never blatantly make fun of her feelings. Maybe I should have known then that this friendship wasn't really going to work out.

Maybe I should have known that she tends to latch on to whoever is available at the time. Then, it was me. Now, it is him. And it's guaranteed that if her grandmother died this year instead of last, I would not have been the one by her side every step of the way, when she had to confront her family and her father and her grandmother's coffin. No. Now, it would be him. 

She doesn't need me anymore. Apparently our friendship was based on when she needed me, when it was convenient for her. And now that she's found someone else - someone better - what good am I to her?

10 - radioactive, pt. 1

It is all gray.

Around me, people stagger aimlessly, coughing, pressing their oxygen masks to their face. The heavy smog is wrapped around the city, weighing down the sky with pollution. When I look toward the tall buildings of the downtown area, I can only see for a few hundred feet before the rest of the area fades into fog. And when I look upward, all I can see is the thick black dust filling the sky. There is no sunlight here – nothing that I can feel. Just a milky light filtered through the smog.

But I am infinite.

I stand up on my tiptoes, reaching up with empty fingers, stretching towards the broken sky. Then I step forward and lift off the ground. I soar upward. The wind whips at the tail of my shirt, and I breathe in the air, gasp for it, take more deep breathes than I have in years. My dream self doesn't need to wear a mask to breathe.

I pause when I reach the peak of the tallest building, hanging there in a dark cloud, a massive ghost that covers everything.

I'm waking up to ash and dust

I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust

I'm breathing in the chemicals

This is it – the apocalypse.