3 - apple juice and airplanes

It is hot now. Too hot. Nothing gives me headaches like heat does, but my dad doesn't want to turn the AC on and instead insists on opening doors and windows instead?

I am very ready for this school year to be over. in fact can i just retire from life and become a red panda

My great aunt is dying. She has been like a grandmother to me since I was seven, and we've gone to her house for every Christmas since third grade. I don't know what I'll really do when she's gone. In fact, the prospect of her not being here anymore doesn't really phase me right now. But I know it'll hit me when it happens, and I'll be mad at myself for not loving her enough when she was still alive.

I saw her last Thursday in the hospital because we visited her over spring break. She looked so weak, and she was making these awful noises because she couldn't breathe, and she said she's going to die soon. I had to leave the room.

The hospital she's in is massive. Incredibly massive. After leaving her room, I went down the hall and turned a few corners to leave that section of Emergency, then went through two double doors to get out of the Emergency hall, then walked down a long hallway to get out of the Emergency unit altogether. By then I was in the hospital lobby, across from which was a massive food court. There were so many people. It was like a mall or something. I didn't feel like I could stomach anything, so I got a bottle of apple juice. 

My mom's still visiting my aunt, but I came back alone last Saturday, which involved two airplane trips on my own. I wore a Doctor Who shirt in the hopes of making some friends. My efforts were unsuccessful. In fact, I don't think I spoke to anyone from the moment my mom dropped me off at my gate in Buffalo to the moment my dad picked me up at the airport back home. 

Tomorrow is the Homestuck anniversary, and me and my dad are going to some art thing at a local museum. Also, Doctor Who comes on tomorrow. Also, Vikings comes on on Sunday. So weekends have been better recently.

2 - starlight stuff?

So I've written the next two installments of Starlight. But there are several problems I have come across. 

1) Marky is a really unlikeable character. I wanted her to be unlikeable, which is why I made her so cynical, but now I realize - especially when written in a school setting - that she's rather Bella Swan-ish. And I definitely don't want that. Nor do I really want the awkwardness that ensues when Marky goes into school in the next few installments, and it's made me really uncomfortable with this whole story in general, so I think I may restart it - or at least edit the entries that are already published - so that I can do the tweaking that I desire. I don't really know what I'll do for the beginning, but I know what I want to happen, so I'll just work towards that. I have all the secondary characters planned out. Marky herself seems really boring to me, though, especially with the stuff I was going to put her through. 

2) Starlight is the name of a novel by Neil Gaiman. I'd rather my story have an original title, so that's getting changed as well.

That is all, I suppose. -ollies out-

barricade memories

   Today I went to the mall with my wonderful friend. We went to FYE and I found this really cool sonic screwdriver that i have not previously known existed. It had these really cool victorian designs on them or something, and it was dark red. Totes awesome, yo. Also, I bought the deluxe edition of the Les Mis soundtrack, and it's making me both sad and happy to listen to - giving me all these memories of that wonderful day when I first watched the movie. I think I've said it before, but I wish I could go back to that day and live in it forever.

I'm going to write more of that beach story now but I wanted to talk about that so yeah

1 - starlight - pt. 2

    My new school is called Sullivan's Cape High. It is a fitting name, considering that this town is called Sullivan's Cape and there's only one other high school around here, located halfway into the next town. SCH is close to my house, so that is the one my parents are sending me to. 
    I visited once last week, when we first arrived here. The principal took me on a small tour around the vicinity. I'm not going to take the time to describe the principal, but I'll tell you a little bit about the school itself. It's a long building, mostly on one level aside from the music rooms located in the basement. I took a particular interest in the computer room, which was full of sleek new PCs. I'm more of a Mac person, but that's alright, I guess.
    I do not know anyone at my new school, aside from the principal, who doesn't count anyways. At my old school in Montana, I had a few friends and avoided the vast majority of the rest of my sophomore class. I never really had anyone to call my best friend - just people who would hang out with me by default, because there was no one cooler or because they noticed my reclusiveness. Now that I think about it, I don't think they really could have been called my friends. They haven't called or e-mailed me since I left Montana.
    I guess I didn't leave as much behind as I thought I did.
    Tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm wearing a Homestuck shirt to attract fellow Homestucks. That's what nerds do to make friends, right? Right.
     At least I have Becquerel. He will always be my friend. 
     Right now I am sitting on my bed. The lamp on my dresser is on, casting a soft light about the room, and the curtains are thrown open so that I can see the ocean a few streets down. Suddenly the houses end and the sand takes the place of the grass and concrete and suddenly there is water. The sky is growing darker, and the waves are so gray and still and the sky is so cloudy that when I look at the horizon, I can't tell where sea meets sky and sky meets sea.
      Bec is asleep on my pillow, even though I bought a sizable L. L. Bean dog bed for him. He gets tired easily, being a plump little ball of energy as he is. He's sprawled out on the pillow, so small that he doesn't even take up the whole rectangle. I stroke his back absentmindedly with my journal propped open across my knees, and my stomach is already churning from nervousness - I don't know what school will be like tomorrow. 
       I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
    
   

20 - starlight - part 1

He said, "Look at you worrying so much about things you can't change

You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way."

He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me

"Don't you see the starlight, starlight

Don't you dream impossible things?"

   
    Becquerel is my 9-week-old Samoyed puppy. He is my world.
    My parents agreed to move on the condition that I be rewarded with a puppy for my efforts. I'm not quite sure that a small, fluffy animal can make up for the loss of everything I've ever known, but it does an awfully good job. Nothing fights off sadness quite like puppy breath.
     My name is Marky. I am of average height and average weight and I am spectacularly talented at hating people/things/the universe, except Bec. I have long dark hair that I usually tie up or whatever because I can't be bothered to have it falling in my face, but my buns don't come out looking all messy and cute like they do for those girls in pictures on Instagram; they usually look like the nest of some small creature sitting on the back of my head. (FYI, I do not have an Instagram. Such things are mainstream and I am certainly not the kind of person who likes mainstream things. I don't even know if there are pictures of sexy girls with messy buns on Instagram, but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say.) My eyes are a muddy grayish-blue, like half-melted snow that has been stepped on by fat children, running around in their too-large boots while trying to enjoy what's left of the fanciful white coldness that will be gone when winter is over.
       People say I'm long-winded. That is a lie.
       I am not a beach girl. Nor am I a city girl or a country girl. I do not let my surroundings define me. What defines me is my affinity for things strictly not-hipster and not-mainstream and my incredible ability to get to round 14 in Zombie Black Ops. It's so weird that everyone around here spends their life splashing and laughing and tanning and going loopy in all the sun. Don't they know there are more important things than their next beach trip?
       What I mean to say is that last week we arrived here - here being the vague beach town titled Sullivan's Cape, NC - from Montana. Majestic mountains and hiking boots to flat beaches and heat and skin. And I didn't really care about the move, but I wanted to get something out of it, so I requested a puppy because puppies are awesome and because my parents thought I was really distraught about the move which meant they were willing to do anything for me as long as I didn't put up a fight, and if I had done that they would have dragged me here anyways and everything would be the same as it is now, minus one puppy. So I'm alright with it here. But I do miss the mountains and cool air.
        I start school soon. Yes, soon I will be among the ranks of skinny tanned girls and buff tanned guys who are all vapidly obsessed with the beach and stuff, while I, the palest person within a 50 mile radius, who does not fit into either category and never will, will be trying to exist in a way that is not to conspicuous and not too mainstream and not too hipster.
       It will be hard. Wish me luck.

19 - DDOCCCTOR FREAKIN' WHWWOOOOOOO

It is eleven o'clock at night and here I am, working on my AP Bio project because I am a hideous procrastinator. Also, I got halfway through with the project, decided I hated my progress, and started over again. I am now incorporating Doctor Who into it because science + Doctor Who = beautiful rainbow unicorn sparkles.

Maybe I should just stay up until midnight. Homestuck will probably update.

I'm writing an increasing number of these ranty posts. When did my blog become an angst pit? 

I have felt no inclination to write recently. I keep trying to and quitting.

Why does school have to be so stressful? Why do I have to worry so much about grades? Why does everyone go around saying that teenagers don't have real feelings, teenagers can't make any real decisions, teenagers don't understand the world, then expect us to make decisions about our future that will influence us for the rest of our lives? We're treated like children until we're 18, and then we're thrust out into the world and expected to make it. Seems a little brutal to me.

Meh.

Pi day was delicious today. I ate lots of food. 

I was just thinking about Doctor Who and how much I loved it last January when I first started watching it. I like to remember happy things. I like to think about things I used to like and go, yeah, that was the best time. I wish I could go back to that. I still like Doctor Who, but back then it was like DDOCCCTOR FREAKIN' WHWWOOOOOOO. And it was really great, and freshman year was awesome, and all was right with the world. But then as I got further into the show, the writing changed and the Doctor was different and not as fun anymore. And then I got older and time changed and people changed and here I am now and everything has changed. 

Each year seems harder than the last, I have found.

Speaking of Doctor Who, the hiatus will end on March 30. I'm actually not very excited after seeing the first half of season 7. I'll watch it, of course, but I don't really like where the show is going. There are too many random explosions and things, and I feel like the Doctor isn't himself. It's like Doctor Who water you doinn'. Y u no be good anymoaar

I'm gonna leave now. I have to finish stuff and, like, get some sleep.

18 - pi

It is Thursday, March 13, also known as Pi Day. I spent a really long time last night making a quadrillion snickerdoodles (with icing pi symbols on top) to bring in to school today. They are delicious, but the recipe said it would only produce 24 cookies. I got five batches out of that dough, man. What am I supposed to do with all of these cookies??????  dude I got up at like 5 a.m. and made all these freaking cookies

Here are three cool facts about π so you can get your daily dose of education:
- Albert Einstein was born on Pi Day. 
- Computing π is considered a stress test for a computer. 
- Hiroyoki Gotu holds the world record for numbers of π memorized at 42,195.

There that was fun now let's stop talking about math 

I have to finish my AP Bio project tonight. Otherwise, I won't be able to go to the beach this weekend, because that is where we are going. 

I recently read This Side of Paradise, and I enjoyed it very much. Fun Fact: F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife, Zelda, was so dramatic that once, when she noticed him talking with someone else at a party, she threw herself down a flight of marble stairs to get his attention. She was later diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Then Scott died from alcoholism and she literally died in a fire. Sad story.